I've been expecting you.

23 Dec 2016

Invisible Paralysis

Once there was a boy who woke up one cold, rainy morning and decided to go for a jog. Now it was bad weather and his girlfriend mildly chided him for not wanting to stay in bed with her but he smiled lazily as he pulled on his boots. He'd make breakfast for her when he was back and she was fully awake.
He plugs in his earphones and starts his warm up. Shuffle. Play. Shuffle.Play. Skip.Loop.

Imagine Dragons- Not Today comes on. PERFECT.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JV6UrDhsWN4

And then a sudden screech and a flash and a dash of yellow and BAM.
He's down and out. He's been hit by a cab.

And he wakes up after two days but he can't understand why he can't feel his legs. They're there. he can see it, he can touch it.
 But he can't feel it.
He is paralysed, waist downwards.
Sometimes the old familiar feeling returns and he can almost walk- almost walk again. Almost. But not quite. Phantom Limbs.
Perhaps.

 Well, what do you say to him? You should have stayed home that morning? Who runs on rainy mornings? It will get better. Maybe. But how much?
And does that even matter?
How much should be enough before he is allowed euthanasia?
 Why is it not legal here?

Will he walk again? Perhaps. Will he run again? Difficult.
We must realise that there are certain things that once broken, don't work again the same way anymore.

Some people splinter their spine and can't feel their legs.
It is an accident but it's done.
You can blame anyone but it doesn't change anything.
Sometimes physio works and they recover.
And sometimes they don't.

It's not that they don't WANT to walk again.
Hell, they'd do anything to go back to how things used to be, but some experiences are watershed moments and you can't go back to how things were before.
They have instances when they feel their phantom limb
 but it isn't there.


It is the same for those who splinter their hearts.
Maybe even worse.
Because a heart still works, even if you can't feel it anymore.

If you didn't blame the boy for his paralysis.
Why do you blame me for mine?

6 Dec 2016

The Light Is Always On the Inside



Her brown eyes
were fireflies 
in disguise.
Only lighting up after dark.
I stayed up all night to memorise their flame.

I can still see the white light
behind my eyes 
whenever I close them
.
The light is always on the inside.

But when I wake up to this
never ending December world-

I am met with
 endless violets printed on rough yellow paper 
lining my smoke-filled, four walled room
that suddenly seems endless
to my lovelorn heart.

What good is rain on an iron heart?
You thought it  would wash away the dust.
You thought flowers would bloom here.
But everything turned to rust.