I've been expecting you.

22 Dec 2015

Burn

 I once lost my final sliver of hope in the corner of  the street where I used to meet him after the winter rains.

It happened all at once.

Like eating honey out of a broken glass jar-
the sweetness and copper dab of blood blending into an unimaginable nectar that lingered for an eon on my darkened tongue...

I kept my head firmly under the waves-
waiting for the final breath to pass-
dreaming of  shattered rainbows bursting in colour under my tired eyelids
but my body was not willing to give up.

And I am grateful.

For now I am enmeshed in lives and loves and goodness
and my dying breath now flames again
and scalds me with its willingness to live and love and hope .

The December skies open up-
 The rain falls in torrents from the moonlight.
And I burn my heart again on the dying embers of an ancient passion.



15 Dec 2015

So, 2015.

2015 has been both the greatest and the worst year in a while.

Great because I travelled a lot, met amazing people, hit the gym, got engaged, started working in one of the best schools in Delhi, earned more and saved up a bit as well... whew.
Worst because I got abused on the travels, my dog died, I met some douche bags in the general pool of amazing people, got burnt out due to stress as my engagement fell apart because of loyalty issues that was unfortunately my fault and am broke again as the year comes to an end.

People don't believe in astrology, but the year 2015 adds up to number 8 which is governed by Saturn.
Now Saturn is a difficult task master. He gives you a roller coaster ride where you experience thrills but throw up as you gingerly get off the ride,

But after my numerous interactions with countless people in the last 12 months, I have learnt that:

1. I still have myself.
2.I have added another eventful chapter to my life, with amazing stories to tell.
3. I have survived depression again.
4. My closest friends are the ones who know I am flawed but love me anyway.
5. My mother is still my best critic and guide.
6. I learnt things the hard way, without a safety net, map or harness.
7. The only way out of most of the situations was through.
8. I didn't lose my sense of humour.
9. I accepted my mistakes and genuinely tried to rectify them.
10. I realised when it was time to move on.
11. I was selfish.
12. I was selfless.
13.I underwent the joys of falling in love all over again. And losing it- but not giving up Hope.
14. I underwent the grief of bereavement for the loss of loved ones.
15. I survived another year.

I want to thank all those who have made this year memorable.
Believe me when I say this- I owe you my growth and wisdom.
Thank you.

19 Sept 2015

Shelf Life

The charger you gave me,
The phone screen I cracked,
My dog's UTI,
The pimple scar on my left cheek,
My grandmother's constipation,
The morphing of a caterpillar,
The black thong you'll never see,
My dad's hangover,
My brother's first relationship,
The expiry date of my painkillers,
Sunny Leone on Big Boss,
Baahubali playing in cinemas,
Modi's government-

lasted longer than you.

12 Jun 2015

Afternoons in Kolkata

The rain drenched patch of street behind Roma's window was full of people. It was a dull September morning and you could smell the wet earth if you paid close enough attention, but the noise from the crowd was quite distracting, at the moment.
Roma got out of bed and quietly tip-toed across the mosaic tiled floor to get a better look.
There was Mr. Mukherjee, the middle-aged recluse, being led away by two pot-bellied constables.
There was also a sliver of something covered by a white sheet, being carried away on an obtrusive stretcher into the ambulance that was adding to the maddening cacophony.
Her Dida stirred on the other side of the bed.
"Khuki, tumi uthe gecho?" ( Little one, are you awake?)

Roma went to her Dida's outstretched hand and clasped it. She traced the lines on her palm to make known her presence. Dida was blind since Roma was a baby and Roma was turning fourteen tomorrow. She couldn't wait for her party.

On the way to her special school at the end of Park Street, Roma couldn't help but think about Mr. Mukherjee and how he had always been kind to her. Giving her orange ice-lollies on hot May afternoons. He never said anything except "Nao, eta nao." (Take, take this) and now the people said he was crazy because his sister, Neelam had died in July and he had locked up her body in the tiny bedroom, refusing to part with her. They had been twins.

Roma longed for a twin, or a sibling of some kind. Specially on rainy afternoons in Kolkata, when you could tell that the sun is just there, somewhere behind the dull grey clouds, but it was always out of sight, somehow. Roma would see the brightest spot in the sky and that would give away the sun's hidden spot. She could even see the bright white light, if she squinted enough, her face turned up to the rainclouds, the wind playing carelessly with her thick, wavy hair.

Her birthday party would definitely be a grand one, with sweet rice being made by her favourite aunt Rita, who was coming down from Darjeeling for her birthday, with her five year old cousin, Pintu.

But, someone was coming now. Someone was screaming. Someone was dragging her by her hair and...

Roma could never have a twin, because she was an orphan now. Her parents died when they sold her to her 'Dida' who is actually her employer, and who is far from kind or blind. Roma never did go to a special school, but spent her days cleaning the house of the old lady, she fondly called 'Dida' in her daydreams. She was mute because like hundreds of children who work in the city, she will never have a voice.
Mr Mukherjee's case is quite real though.
The world is a myriad of madness and sorrow and sometimes it can get very tiring for young, soft souls. But the mind is a brilliant place, changing reality, merging facts, erasing hardships, to create a little warm bubble where you feel safe. On an insignificant rainy afternoon in Kolkata, anything is possible.
 

1 Jun 2015

4 Cleaners Every Rookie Needs!



Rookie Cleaners



Cleaners!! are important!! 



You might think that your sophisticated looking windows OS can keep itself running at maximum capacity all the time!! Well, it's windows!!! A bit harsh, but true. 



Simply put, windows screws up once in a while and y'all need to restart it and wait and start working all over again! What causes it? You don't wanna know! It could be some fancy program swallowing system resources.



Let's not go into the detail and hire a FREE cleaner for the maintenance. Yes! Trust me they are helpful.



Anyhoo, check out these superlight apps and what can they do for you.








1.C Cleaner


Pro
  • Light
  • Comprehensive clean up
  • Add/remove programs
  • Registry Errors Clean-up
  • Freeware
  • Supports all windows versions
  • Manage start-up items




Cons:

  • No back up registry
  • Paid version with more features

2. Slim Cleaner

   Pro:

  •   Lightest of them all!
  •   Options provides more control
  •   No ads
  •   Start-up manager









   Cons:



         Not so easy to drive the app

  •      Makes failing attempts at 


  •             defragmenting
     

    • 3. Win Optimizer

  •          Pro:


    • Optimize system performance
    • Diagnosis and information
    • Fine-tunes the system for faster performance



    Cons:

    • Clumsy system performance
    • Full version costs money (why? Frankly I don't want to find out)


    4. YAC (Yet Another Cleaner)
            Pro:





    • Light
    • Comprehensive clean up
    • search engine adblock(new)
    • Fancy Speedup option
    • Registry Errors Clean-up
    • Freeware
    • Supports all windows versions
    • On the go memory cleanup
    • Very well finished GUI(looks)




               Cons:

      • Tweaking can interfere with system performance
      • Too versatile for its own good

      24 May 2015

      Can India Follow Ireland's Lead?


      While we celebrate a win for the LGBT community this month, as Ireland recently legalized same-sex marriage by popular vote. let's not forget how the LGBT community closer home, continues to be penalized for it's orientation.

      Watch the video and leave your comments if you feel India should follow Ireland's lead in legalising LGBT marriage.



      23 May 2015

      Chicken Is Blue



      Don’t write, unless you have a story to tell.”

      *FOR A LONG TIME MEERA HAD PONDERED THESE WORDS SHE HAD HEARD FROM HER ENGLISH TEACHER, MISS BANERJEE

      IF SHE TELLS THE WORLD HER STORY, WOULD THEY BELIEVE HER?*

      For thirteen year old Meera, the world is a colourful and wonderful place. But it was different a few years ago.

      It all started when Meera was in Kindergarten. Her teacher, Miss Williams, had asked the class to draw an apple tree. Meera drew the best apple tree she could. Her teacher praised her and was pleased. “What a beautiful Apple tree you have drawn, Meera.” She exclaimed, holding up the white crumpled piece of paper up for the whole class to examine.

      Meera had drawn the best apple tree in the class and she was given a prize for it. The next day, Miss Williams brought her a real apple to eat, from the market place.

      That was the last time she ever won a prize at school. After that had come the Alphabet.

      Meera sighed as she sat down to finish her homework. Homework was difficult.

      Letters were difficult.

      The first day her teacher wrote ‘A’ on the blackboard, she looked at Meera expectantly. “Do you know what this is, Meera?”

      Meera stared back at the letter. It could only be...

      “P..Pink.”

      There was pin drop silence as her teacher looked at her strangely. She didn’t reply but asked Rohan, the boy in the third row to answer.

      “A... A for Apple.” Rohan chimed shyly.

      That day, Meera went back home and opened the first book on the coffee-table. ‘Cricket for Dummies.’ Her dad read that a lot. She called her mum.

      “Where is ‘A’?” She could see the strange letter that looked like a tent on stilts in the book. It was red like an apple. But then her mum pointed out ‘a’ in the word ‘bat’ and it was green like a caterpillar. And the same letter ‘a’ in ‘ball’ was mango-lemon. Meera also heard a strange ‘swissshh’ sound when her mother read out ‘bat’.

      Meera started crying.

      “It’s all different Mummy.” she whined.

      Now Meera’s parents loved her very much but they could not understand why she was seeing things differently. Some days her mother scolded her because she did not want to go to school any more. But her father was patient with her. He lovingly coaxed her into going to school, even though she was not doing that well.

      Her teachers at school were worried.

      “Have you considered a special school?” Miss Williams asked her mother at the end of Kindergarten.

      Mrs Gupta was crushed.

      However, they went through the tough decision of keeping her in school. Mrs Gupta sat with Meera everyday and tried to make her learn the letters by heart.

      Meera put in more effort in writing and reading, and they promoted her class after class, because of her exceptional grades in Mathematics, Art and Music. In all this, her parents were her constant support.

      Her father even started visiting local doctors to find out if Meera had a disability. But he never made her feel ‘different’.

      Every night, tired after being bullied at school, Meera found it difficult to sleep. But her father used to calm her by telling her magical stories.

      One day, Meera asked her father.

      “How beautiful these stories are! I wish I can make a story someday.”

      Her father smiled at her and encouraged her to make her own story. And for the first time, Meera felt that she could achieve something again. She made up her mind to write a magical story.

      But then the next problem emerged. How could she write a story when she was having difficulty in reading words and long books? So she locked away her dream in a multi-coloured box and never thought about writing a story again.

      That is when her seventh grade English teacher, Miss Banerjee stepped in.

      One day in class, she announced.

      “We will work on writing for the Summer vacation. You can write on anything you feel like. It can be long or short. But it must come from you.”

      The class was in chaos. Students were high-fiving and smiling but Meera was slinking slowly down in her seat.

      “And remember class, SHOW, don’t TELL.”

      “But don’t write unless you have a story to tell.”

      Meera raised her hand slowly.

      “ What should I write about, miss?”

      “Write a story.”

      “About what?”

      “Write a story about your world.”

      Meera stopped to think.

      “Can I paint too?”

      Miss Banerjee replied, “Paint with words.”

      Meera brightened up instantly. This is what she always wanted to hear!

      The following weekend, Meera eagerly sat down to her writing task. The world was suddenly brighter and full of colour. She wrote about a family which had a mother and a father that were loving like her parents. The story was a happy one. The parents always ate dinner together with their children- a daughter and twin sons.

      Miss Banerjee was very happy with Meera’s story.

      “What a lovely dinner scene you have described Meera. The twin boys are so naughty. And the mother is such a good cook. What has she made for the main course?”

      “Chicken.” Said Meera confidently. Meera was a vegetarian but always curious about her friends who ate meat. She was strange like that.

      Miss Banerjee chuckled, “What kind of Chicken, beta?”

      “The chicken is blue.” Meera said tentatively.

      Miss Banerjee was silent for awhile. She looked at Meera and asked her to sit down near her.

      “What do you think of when I say ‘potato’?

      “It is a brown vegetable.” Meera replied in monotone.

      “What about mutton?”

      “Is it a music instrument? It makes a strange whistling sound in my head.”

      Miss Banerjee thanked Meera and told her to go to her seat.

      The next day, Miss Banerjee called Meera’s parents, without her knowing.

      Her mother was concerned but her father seemed calm.

      “Mr and Mrs Gupta. It seems to me, Meera has a condition. it is brilliant and terrifying at the same time. It must be used to help her and aid her, and it will be a gift to her. I have reason enough to believe that Meera hassynaesthesia.”

      Meera’s parents stared blankly back at Miss Banerjee.

      “You don’t have to worry. it is a genetic condition where the senses of a person are mixed up. Something like cross-wiring of the senses. If you say a word, they will see a colour. If they hear a sound, they may taste an essence. I have strong reason to believe that Meera has lexical synaesthesia, which could be the reason why she has had problems with reading and writing for so long.”

      “How do you know so much?” Mrs Gupta asked, bewildered. It was a lot of information to take in.”

      “I was under observation for the last ten years when I was in Chicago, at the University. I had Synaesthesia. But a different kind-*Chromesthesia*. People with chromesthesia hear sounds and these automatically and unintentionally make them experience colours.” Miss Banerjee finished.

      Because of Miss Banerjee and Meera’s parent’s hard work and loving support, Meera began to use her words to express her world more. Instead of locking the colours in- she poured them out, mainly in Art, but also in words.

      It turned out that you can paint with both.

      All you need is a story to tell.