Encounter.

You will come to me in the hour I wait for you.
In the shadow places I will wait.
You will come in green fire
and bloody footprints.
A broken bell in a broken chapel will toll
your arrival.
Your heart will be wrapped in silver foil.
And it will smell whiter than stones over an icy stream.
The perfect gift.
But you will not remember me.
Your eyes will be buried in my sockets.
And the sliver of your tongue between my lips
 will call my name.
The rose of my youth fades to blue.
A hundred bees stung my mouth.
I couldn’t save sweet honey for you.
Still you will come to me in the hour I wait.
This time- you will.
You always do.

A Perfect Memory

Tonight was different.

I closed my eyes and the silver moonlight glazed beneath my eyelids. It was getting harder to remember all the details, but one day, one perfect day remained etched in my mind. It was time. And I was going to put things right for us.

There had been a day when we had wandered through fields of clove, bathed in birdsong. The day was warm and uncertain. Spring sunlight seeped through rain-soaked leaves and the air was blurred and pungent with blossom, earth and damp. The space between us was charged with poignancy that lay in long-forgotten cities.

We came into an overgrown garden, starred pink with wildflowers. Springstruck, I moved, tranced through exotic scents that seemed so familiar yet unknown. A house was soon discovered at the top of the garden. Above the porch an odd rectangle of brickwork remained bare, shadowed by faint markings that looked like runes.

I drew closer to the ancient drawings. Letting my fingers run over the etchings, almost smoothed over by Time. “What IS this place?” I wondered aloud.

“It’s been here forever. I come down here to be with myself at times.” He replied.

Inside was a dusty rocking chair, ancient as its surroundings, and paintings of unknown people smiled at me from all directions. He pulled a footstool forward and placed it in front of the rocking chair.

I looked at him questioningly. “I want to paint your feet.” Then he bent down to untie my violet sandals....
                                        ***

I opened my eyes. The Moon had disappeared. Shane was dead now. I wish I had inherited a cold, passionless nature that would help me put it all behind and move on. I did have a powerful longing to pack my bags and never return. But here I was again.

I rocked slowly back and forth on the ancient rocking chair. Every creak made me more numb. I turned the lighter over between my fingers. What was I thinking? Shane would have never wanted this. But Shane was gone now and I did not care what he thought anymore.

Time stood still. And still I stared down at the death-tool in my fingers. “Toils of enchantment” I said. Then I put the lighter down and walked into the night.

The stars screamed silently at me.

 _____________________________________________________________
Jan 2010

                                                                                            

FAITH

                                          

                                      

  Faith ran barefoot across the patch of sun dried grass that comprised of half the courtyard.The visitors had had to wait a minute longer than required. As Matron of St.Jude's Boarding School,Shillong, she wouldn't normally be running such errands. But most of the managing staff were to return later that week and this was an on-the -spot admission.

  She reached the large iron gate and unlocked it. And then held her breath. The broad-leaved trees cast a shadow on their faces. A dark haired man stood there, holding a little girl by the hand. Faith smiled tremulously. "I'm sorry for the delay, Sir. Please do come in."

  He picked up his dusty traveler's suitcase and stepped onto the premises of what had been her home for the past nine years of her life. The winter Sun smiled on his handsome face and reflected off the pools of darkness that were his eyes. Something unquiet stirred in the depths of her heart.

  Pulling her veil lower onto her face she directed the man silently to the Principal's office. He spoke in whispers to the little girl holding his hand. And she couldn't hear exactly what he was saying, but it seemed like he was trying to calm her fears about the new place and the people. When she was within earshot, he was reassuring the girl that he would be back before Christmas and that was when Faith realised nothing had changed. Rob was the same reassuring man he had been ten years ago.

 Faith remembered the first time she had seen him. He was dressed in cricket whites, waiting for his turn to bat- a crusader leaning on his sheathed sword. A gentle Knight in a world then crowded with possibility. No opportunity cancelled, no prospect rendered void. Almost instantly she had fallen in love with him.

 But Rob had other plans. Faith being the Pastor's daughter had not had much of a choice but to watch as he boarded the train that would take him away from her.
"Good Lord, Faith!
 You don't have to cry!
 I'll be back in December."

 Nine Decembers had passed since that day.
Startled, she realised they had reached the Principal's office. Rob was finalising his daughter's admission. His daughter. Faith reminisced the times they had thought of all the names of their unborn children and ended up laughing together. She felt like laughing all over again.

She had learnt a few things in her time -one was to live with grief, or rather to live without it, beyond it. She had been alone a long time now. Existing, she thought, not only beyond grief, but also beyond love. Intimations of the past lay all about her and in her solitude, she chose to remember, to forget, to rearrange. Only very rarely, was she caught unawares, as of now. It left her shaken and gasping, clutching at the walls of her mind for support.

 But now Rob was coming downstairs with the girl. She stood at the end of a long winding staircase, almost ready to flee, when he stopped her. "Matron! I want you to take care of my little Rose. I don't want her to miss her Mummy while she's here." he smiled. The girl clung to him in a way that would have made the earlier version of herself cry.

 "And Daddy, wont you miss him too?" questioned Faith, when the girl's father had gone on ahead. The child looked down at her feet. "Daddy's always beside me in everything I do, wherever I am. I never miss him"

And Faith understood.

    ______________________________________________________________________

Jan 2009

Lines.

So I found this little book that had curious little lines scribbled by me over the past one year.
Runny lines, scrawly lines, scraggly lines, whory lines.
Here’s a glimpse at some of them...

"No I dont know you for very long.
And I dont even think I care.
I see your face when I sleep at night.
And trace your name in the morning air."

"Talking about Music is like Skywriting in Braille."


"The amount you study is inversely proportional to the number of days you have left for the exams!"


 "I'm still your beginning.
 And you're still my end.
And our paths converge even though they sometimes bend."


"Yeah, I know you love her.
She has nice hair.
 And you always preferred girls that were fair.
She thinks you stopped fagging- just for her sake.
I smile as I take a drag from your Gold Flake. :)
At least this time I'm happy to see-
Your lying and cheating didnt stop with me. ;-)"

 "These days when I think about Love- Its like smelling Sunshine, seeing Music, hearing Cinnamon Rolls or Cheese Fondue, tasting a Rainstorm... I cant think about a specific name or face or object. Lucky are the people who can see a specific form or shape when they think about Love."


"Had I learnt the notes to your heart,
I could have effortlessly put it to song.
But sometimes sunlight scorches a dewdrop,
A good thing turns out to be wrong.

Frequent storms wreck our minds,
Foundations crumble under our feet,
But we don't fear tomorrow anymore,
In Time again, we will meet.

""Early morning rain- so beautiful."

"I silently laugh at my own cenotaph 
And out of the caverns of rain,
Like a child from the womb, like a ghost from the tomb, 
I arise, and unbuild it again."

"I only talk to you when it suits me, and you know what? I'm awesome, so fuck you.
:D"

Darkling I listen and many a time I have been half in love with easeful Death. Called him soft names in many a mused rhyme..."

"The truth is... anyone can be sad. But happy? It takes courage to be happy."


"Thank you for those who believed in me, even when I didn't."


"Im like a shooting star... I've come so far... I can't go back to where I used to be."


"‎"You are late for this class!" "No, no... I'm early for the next."


"Diamond studded inky blue firmament.... Look how they shine for you


"Then- I came. I saw. I conquered.... Now- I saw. I conquered. I came. :-P


"For they could not love you, but still your love was true. And when no hope was left in sight, on that starry, starry night- you took your life as lovers often do... =( *Vincent*


"It is our choices Harry that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." - Albus Dumbledore"


"Cloudscapes reflected in clear pools of still black water. A happy place."


"Old problems do not go away. New problems just become more important to distract you from them."


"I keep you in a flower vase.
With your fatalism and your crooked face.
With the daisies and the violet brocades.
And I keep me in a vacant lot.
In the ivy and forget-me-nots.
Hoping you will come and untangle me one of these days."

Playlist.

Ever wondered the complexities of a playlist?

Or why your night music differs vastly from your day music?

They say each song is connected to a memory.

There are times when the radio, your phone and your Mp3 player can be your worst enemies.

Listening to the same songs over and over again is not the thing you should do when you want to glaze over certain events in life, trying to neatly put them away at the back of your closet.

You know what comes out from the back of  a closet?
Not skeletons.
But an old lyric book and Happy Birthday music CD's.

Forget about incantations and affirmations, if you want to change anything in life-

Start with your Playlist.

Favourite Night Song.

Backspacer.

There have been so many times when I have wanted to leave all this and run back to the place I left behind where some loved me but I loved you instead and most hated me for it, but it was enough that I had you and I would do anything to get it back.

There have been so many times when I have wanted to leave this and run back to the place I left behind where some loved me and most hated me but none of that mattered to me because I was too caught up in my misery to care about anything except us.

There have been so many times when I have wanted to leave this and run back to the place I left behind where I felt secure in the knowledge of my failures and they were these scented flames in my life that alternately blinded and  burnt me whenever I least expected them.

There have been so many times when I have wanted to leave this and run back -to you, to our love, to what I used to feel when I was with you and what it changed me into.

There have been so many times when I have wanted to remain anonymous while writing a letter to you and slide it under your door but I can't find you anywhere.

There have been so many times when I have wanted to tell you exactly what I feel when you ask me how I am now and whether I am happy in this place.

                        ***
Q: What's up? How have you been? How're you liking the place?



A: There have been so many...things up with me these days!!! Just LOVE the city!! Really busy! - With class and assignments and shit like that. Sorry for the late reply. Facebook chat is a bitch!! Catch you later!
                      ***

Observation- Exclamation Marks lie.