They said, ‘you should write...’
I wasn’t so sure. I mean- seriously? After all the time and effort I put into getting things that went around in my head under control, they just want me to put it bare on a page. A page that can be read. By everybody. On the internet.
Ha.
Like that’s ever gonna happen.
Hello.
My name is Alisha.
And I have seriously no idea what I’m doing here.
On this blog I mean.
Well, I’m supposed to write because it apparently will help me feel better.
Catharsis?
Fuck.
I can’t sleep tonight. I finally got what I had been searching for- after say a year and a half. And now it’s the end of the chase for me. Got a few days left for the culmination of it and after that I’ll have the solitary purpose of my existence snatched away from me and put into a single page of memory buried at the back on the highest shelf of a library nobody even visits anymore.
Convoluted metaphor... Phew.
Apart from this pursuit that’s headed for its swan song, I also seem to be completely disillusioned after my somewhat happy relationship went kaput. I mean, I made it go kaput. Guess I got tired after I realised it wasn’t what I wanted. So much for happiness.
Alright then, I’m 21. I have a lot of good going on for me- like my career and academics. (Huh?) So why can’t I dwell on that? And leave this out for good? I mean, I wait 1.5 years for some fuck to say- “You were right Alisha, for believing that I would return.” “True love has to be mutual and it’s with you.” Some cheesy line like that...But that is not what has happened. Instead I get a genial ‘let’s share this final cuppa black coffee Love Aaj Kal style and then fuck outta each other’s lives.’
Charming. Not.
My own personal ‘Araby’, I’d say. (Read the short story by James Joyce if you haven’t already. Masterpiece that.) But then again, if I didn’t find him, I would have still been searching, so it’s good that it’s coming to an end at this point, however tragic.
It’s amazing how good writing 400 words can make you feel. I would rather be typing a term paper... but what the hell. They were right. The voices never lie. You can look at the truth only from a peaceful place, and suddenly I’m there tonight.
And so we wait.
Tik Tik.
Tok Tok.Tik Tok.
I’ve come to bridges before. (No, No... Not Golden Gate or the one at Howrah )... and I’ve crossed them and burned them down. And after these last few days it will be over for good.
Can’t say I’m not relieved.
And if I’m lucky enough..
Maybe I’d even fucking get to sleep.
I wasn’t so sure. I mean- seriously? After all the time and effort I put into getting things that went around in my head under control, they just want me to put it bare on a page. A page that can be read. By everybody. On the internet.
Ha.
Like that’s ever gonna happen.
Hello.
My name is Alisha.
And I have seriously no idea what I’m doing here.
On this blog I mean.
Well, I’m supposed to write because it apparently will help me feel better.
Catharsis?
Fuck.
I can’t sleep tonight. I finally got what I had been searching for- after say a year and a half. And now it’s the end of the chase for me. Got a few days left for the culmination of it and after that I’ll have the solitary purpose of my existence snatched away from me and put into a single page of memory buried at the back on the highest shelf of a library nobody even visits anymore.
Convoluted metaphor... Phew.
Apart from this pursuit that’s headed for its swan song, I also seem to be completely disillusioned after my somewhat happy relationship went kaput. I mean, I made it go kaput. Guess I got tired after I realised it wasn’t what I wanted. So much for happiness.
Alright then, I’m 21. I have a lot of good going on for me- like my career and academics. (Huh?) So why can’t I dwell on that? And leave this out for good? I mean, I wait 1.5 years for some fuck to say- “You were right Alisha, for believing that I would return.” “True love has to be mutual and it’s with you.” Some cheesy line like that...But that is not what has happened. Instead I get a genial ‘let’s share this final cuppa black coffee Love Aaj Kal style and then fuck outta each other’s lives.’
Charming. Not.
My own personal ‘Araby’, I’d say. (Read the short story by James Joyce if you haven’t already. Masterpiece that.) But then again, if I didn’t find him, I would have still been searching, so it’s good that it’s coming to an end at this point, however tragic.
It’s amazing how good writing 400 words can make you feel. I would rather be typing a term paper... but what the hell. They were right. The voices never lie. You can look at the truth only from a peaceful place, and suddenly I’m there tonight.
And so we wait.
Tik Tik.
Tok Tok.Tik Tok.
I’ve come to bridges before. (No, No... Not Golden Gate or the one at Howrah )... and I’ve crossed them and burned them down. And after these last few days it will be over for good.
Can’t say I’m not relieved.
And if I’m lucky enough..
Maybe I’d even fucking get to sleep.
Oscillations of a mind inquisitive about its own motive. Sigh... :P
ReplyDeleteWow! I didn't think I'd find any readers when I started this last month. your's is the 1st comment!
ReplyDeletehappy to see you here :) ...write as much as you can and write even when you think its too complicated to be put in words..yes..even at the risk of looking desperate and needy and stupid and all the wonderful adjectives one can think of :D..but in the end buddy,after you have written your heart out, I guarantee, you would have had the most meaningful conversations of your life...i'm sure you wouldn't give second thoughts to any of those adjectives then! F*&K third person talks! we are the ones that write :D ;) cheers!
ReplyDeletekeep at it!
:D thanks Cyril.
ReplyDeletewow. Finally came first at something :P
ReplyDeleteMore readers are waiting outside for their turn. All the best :)