I've been expecting you.

18 Jul 2016

Last day of Summer-2016

I sit up on the mattress and
crack my neck slowly.
First one side and
then another,
Next come the sullen knuckles
and with the 'pop',
a smile.
It is the last day of Summer
but still the feeling of Summer lingers on-
May with all it's parched- to -the- bone nights
and sudden, silly romance.
June brought new heartbreak and
feet spiced with wanderlust,
counting shooting stars with new friends,
July and the rains breaking over me like
they knew I was waiting for it-
 a day's delay and it would have been too late.
Discovering new horizons-
immersing in petrichor
and dreaming of brilliant blue peacocks
on Monday mornings.
It has been eventful, the last few months.
I milk each day for a feeling or an image and
store it away,
behind the broken bits of forgotten kisses
and stolen glances.
I gather all my memories
and compress it in a blood-seed.
Maybe someday it will sprout the
essence of Summer-
Happiness, Life and Hope
when I need it the most.



21 Mar 2016

Spring 2016

How easy for them to say
Unbreak yourself today;
 because it is Spring
and everyone is happy.

You must be too.

Because the birds are flying in the sky
and the air is warm and wet
and the flowers-
they roll on by
as far as the eye can see.

But I feel my soul is splintered.
And my body remained broken and never healed
 the last time that they stamped my heart into the ground
with unforgiving, heavy feet.

And it's been too long

This...
Wave.

Up and Down.
Crest and Trough.
Happiness and Sadness.
Sanity and Madness.

It goes on and on and on and on and on and on ...

9 Jan 2016

January Nights

Cut yourself slowly on starry tips in a night sky.
Rub stardust roughly on your scars.
Make them beautiful.


 Seaweed entangled in dark hair 
drowning in the dark waters of his eyes
that shine through your past erroneous ways.

Sometimes you can't see past the smoke of your dreams turning to ashes-
and the fateful spark that lit it up remains forgotten.

Halogen lamps blind you on empty highways
as you speed past the place where he fell in love with her faithfully.

Fateful lines on your hand criss-cross into future  somehows and maybes-
just waiting to happen.

Snaking past reason and logic-
inept words for a Saturday.
What is to be -will.

And Love is the four letter word tonight-
but then again, wasn't it always?

22 Dec 2015

Burn

 I once lost my final sliver of hope in the corner of  the street where I used to meet him after the winter rains.

It happened all at once.

Like eating honey out of a broken glass jar-
the sweetness and copper dab of blood blending into an unimaginable nectar that lingered for an eon on my darkened tongue...

I kept my head firmly under the waves-
waiting for the final breath to pass-
dreaming of  shattered rainbows bursting in colour under my tired eyelids
but my body was not willing to give up.

And I am grateful.

For now I am enmeshed in lives and loves and goodness
and my dying breath now flames again
and scalds me with its willingness to live and love and hope .

The December skies open up-
 The rain falls in torrents from the moonlight.
And I burn my heart again on the dying embers of an ancient passion.



15 Dec 2015

So, 2015.

2015 has been both the greatest and the worst year in a while.

Great because I travelled a lot, met amazing people, hit the gym, got engaged, started working in one of the best schools in Delhi, earned more and saved up a bit as well... whew.
Worst because I got abused on the travels, my dog died, I met some douche bags in the general pool of amazing people, got burnt out due to stress as my engagement fell apart because of loyalty issues that was unfortunately my fault and am broke again as the year comes to an end.

People don't believe in astrology, but the year 2015 adds up to number 8 which is governed by Saturn.
Now Saturn is a difficult task master. He gives you a roller coaster ride where you experience thrills but throw up as you gingerly get off the ride,

But after my numerous interactions with countless people in the last 12 months, I have learnt that:

1. I still have myself.
2.I have added another eventful chapter to my life, with amazing stories to tell.
3. I have survived depression again.
4. My closest friends are the ones who know I am flawed but love me anyway.
5. My mother is still my best critic and guide.
6. I learnt things the hard way, without a safety net, map or harness.
7. The only way out of most of the situations was through.
8. I didn't lose my sense of humour.
9. I accepted my mistakes and genuinely tried to rectify them.
10. I realised when it was time to move on.
11. I was selfish.
12. I was selfless.
13.I underwent the joys of falling in love all over again. And losing it- but not giving up Hope.
14. I underwent the grief of bereavement for the loss of loved ones.
15. I survived another year.

I want to thank all those who have made this year memorable.
Believe me when I say this- I owe you my growth and wisdom.
Thank you.